He was a nonagenarian who had led a life full of vicissitudes. There had been moments of success and some cathartic phases too. Yet, he remained a contented man, as his children and grandchildren were settled in their respective fields. He had been a noted economist, trained under distinguished scholars at institutions such as Andhra University and Delhi School of Economics. He went on to write several papers on microeconomics, macroeconomics and important issues such as policy planning.
However, impermanence is a fact of life, and he eventually passed away after multiple organ failure. Today, only his memories remain in his son’s house, preserved in a framed photograph.
Ill-health had prevented him from meeting his elder brother, himself a centenarian, who had passed away in November the previous year. The news deeply affected him, and he never fully recovered from the emotional blow.
The economist had a deep love for reading and left behind a collection of books on economics, science and politics for family members, besides a wristwatch purchased in an earlier era, a pen and some clothes.
By the end, his body had grown frail and emaciated. His glazed eyes perhaps sensed the nearness of death. The body bore marks of repeated medical intervention. That night, his mortal remains were kept in the hospital mortuary, awaiting the final rites.
Life has many shades of drama attached to it. Its changing fortunes often make human beings travel a voyage of uncertainty and unpredictability.
As a youngster, I had two close friends with whom I shared a remarkable bond. We passionately discussed politics, sports, films, fantasies and aspirations.
From our teenage years, we entered the portals of University of Delhi. At this stage of life, my friends — siblings — discovered with dread that their father had been stricken with Alzheimer’s disease. Despite modern medication, he passed away soon after. A few years later, the family suffered another tragedy when their mother died of abdominal cancer.
They were heartbroken and overcome by grief. Their once cheerful disposition gave way to sorrow. The elder sibling turned spiritual and began reading books on life after death and theories on the transmigration of the soul.
The younger brother faced his own struggles, producing unhappiness and difficult choices. In that state of mind, he often thought of his parents, who were no longer around to comfort him.
It is said that parents are our first teachers. We spend nine months in the mother’s womb, and once born, we enter the world from that safe sanctuary. Parents guide their children, urging them to take their first steps, make decisions and face life’s challenges.
Even after education, employment and marriage, many still look to their parents for wise counsel. Children feel mentally at ease knowing their parents, though in the winter of their lives, are still around to provide support. Every generation experiences this bond.
But the demise of elders, relatives, and especially parents, removes that sense of protection.
So, what does one do when a dear one ceases to exist?
“Time will take care of it. Definitely, if someone you love crosses over, grief overtakes you. But see it from a broader angle — we all have to go one day. Someone has taken an earlier flight, and we have to take a later flight. When you see the impermanence of everything, you gain the strength to overcome grief,” says spiritual leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
Mindfulness and Grief
At the core of Buddhism lies the concept of mindfulness, closely linked with impermanence. This principle has brought comfort to many who have lost loved ones. When people cling to permanence, they often obsess over the future or dwell on the past. But when the mind accepts impermanence, one begins to live in the present moment.
Ancient sages developed techniques to overcome emotional suffering. These include chanting mantras, listening to religious texts, meditation, breathing practices, pranayama, Vipassana and Sudarshan Kriya.
Mindfulness can act as a stabilising force in life — a state in which one becomes aware of the present, of thoughts and feelings, physical experiences and the world around us. Once people accept the truth that nothing is permanent, they are better able to face adversity.
How do mindfulness and acceptance of impermanence help combat grief and bereavement?
There are two common responses to grief. One is to become overwhelmed and trapped in sorrow. The other is to use awareness and inner practices to become mentally stronger and capable of moving forward despite adversity. Mindfulness and breathing techniques constantly remind us of life’s impermanence.
Can humans conquer grief entirely?
Perhaps not. But such practices can alter its trajectory, intensity and impact. Mindfulness, awareness and acceptance of impermanence help prevent the mind from being clouded by despair. They enable an individual to gradually accept the reality of loss.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna dispels the doubts of Arjuna by revealing the Vishwaroop Darshan and teaching that the soul takes many forms. He urges Arjuna to perform his duty without succumbing to grief.
A Final Word
It is often said that time is a great healer. Perhaps even more powerful is the practice of seva, surrender to the universe, and faith in the Almighty while dealing with grief.
Most importantly, remember what Gautama Buddha said: “The only permanent thing in life is impermanence.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ravi Valluri is Advisor, Krishnapatnam Railway Company Limited. He has authored both fiction and non-fiction work and is a faculty of the Art of Living. His latest work is Sita to Abhaya: Have Things Changed? He can be reached at valluri.ravi@gmail.com or WhatsApp at 9618564024.